Full Circle
by litlcapt
Summary: Three stories of grief and how it eventually brought three unlikely people together and shaped who they are today


Full Circle

Finn

He never really knew his father, only in passing but he left a mark. There was a certain emptiness he had felt growing up that left a void that could never be filled. He existed only through pictures and stories, inanimate objects now preserved his memory. When he listened real hard Finn could hear his mother cry herself to sleep as he did himself on occasion. It scared him actually that someone that far away could leave such a mark of grief.

That urn of ashes that sat in his living room was a monument to a man he considered to be his superhero. Sometimes when Finn felt lonely he would sneak into the garage and put on that armored helmet and stand there with as much dedication his father showed for the country.

How could you miss someone you barely knew?

It was a question he had been asking himself throughout the years. By living his memory and being everything that he was. That was how you missed him, how you conjured him from Finn's earliest memory. Finn sometimes wished he could go back to a time before the Gulf War just to see his father's smiling face. Just to see that regal figure in the uniform. Just to hug him and hold him close. But he was all but a memory now. To him Finn would never have a father for you cannot replace what was lost. Sure you could have a stand in but that love that remained could never be forgotten.

That was why he had always been exceptionally close to his mother even throughout his transition into high school. He felt as if he needed to stand in, be the man of their small broken family. His father ultimately helped in the final decision for Glee. _When you're involved in something special it makes you special_, and it did. He felt that Glee had been his only saving grace to protect from a life he could have had. A life full of regret and missed chances. Finn knew his father would have been rolling over in his grave if he knew what he participated in before Glee. Would have been disappointed that his only son didn't make anything of his life if he were still alive. Even gone his father had shaped who he had become.

He was Finn Hudson who just so happened to be a football player and good singer.

But he, Finn Hudson star quarterback, did make something of himself. He became more than he could've ever hoped for. More than his mother, and his father if he were still alive, could've ever been proud of. It wasn't just the club that had made him what he was today. Wasn't just his mother or those he decided to surround himself with but something even greater. A lot of his father lived within Finn, more than he ever realized before he joined Glee club. He was his father, proud and honorable. Maybe he wasn't before but he was now and he strived to continue down that path.

_I don't want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people. _

He wasn't that guy anymore; he had changed because of his dad. Because his father would've wanted him to be something special. Maybe more than a little of his father was in him after all. Maybe he wouldn't go and fight in a war as he had died doing but Finn would ensure that he kept himself on the path he was on now. To be as special as his father was. For once Finn no longer grieved for the man he hardly knew but walked in the place he left behind. He looked passed the loss to see all that he gained, all the courage and strength his father left behind in him.

Kurt

Kurt missed his mother so much he could almost picture her standing next to him. Actually when he took the stage he swore she stood next to him with a comforting supportive hand on his shoulder. His mother was his strength, she was the one Kurt Hummel was most like. He wished she could see him now, singing and dancing his heart out. Finally fitting in a world that never understood him. But was she ever gone?

The times when he was lost she brought him home. It was that presence that kept him grounded. While not a religious person Kurt knew she was in a better place. Sometimes when he needed that motherly affection he would walk into her room and be near all things so dear to her. Kurt could smell her, the perfume she wore, on her clothing. Could imagine her in the kitchen preparing dinner. Could almost see her dance around in that bright yellow dress.

A picture was kept under his pillow to preserve that memory, serving almost as a protector to all the evil in the world. Some say it was childish but to Kurt it was the only thing holding her there. Standing at her gravestone did little to preserve his sanity but keeping that picture close to his heart found warmth in his soul. He knew she would always be with him.

_I'll always be with you sweetheart. I love you so much Kurt_.

Those words, spoken a few days before her death, still rang in his ears. _I'll always be with you_, though some may think to be clichéd he often recalled those words before stepping onto that stage. Because when he did a new strength found him lifting him to unattainable heights. Her words helped him to defy gravity, helped him be the person he is today.

_You are so much like your mother._

His father told him that often and to him it was the best compliment a man could receive. The last memories of his mother hadn't been fond, seeing her in the state the disease left her. All he could remember from those disconnected days was unbelievable grief and pain. Looking back as the grief ebbed he could finally celebrate what his mother was to him. In doing so he wore what he wore and acted the way he did. He knew his mother would've accepted him just like his father.

He was Kurt Hummel who happened to also be gay.

It was funny how grief brought acceptance. The acceptance of a father who in another life may have pushed away. In another life not filled with grief would not try to understand to hold the one he held dear close. In grief they had been brought closer together, holding each other at arms length and never letting go. His mother held them together, acted as the glue that plastered the two remaining Hummel's together. Never in this life would Kurt give up hope, never in this life would he ever give into grief. It was his mother's memory that kept him who he was, shaped him into the man he is today.

In his heart he could feel her love all around him bringing with it a warmth only held by a soul of a mother. That love ignited the music within him and allowed him to sing out in melody with the others. The picture would remain both in spirit and mind, something to cling onto in times of trouble. It was that same picture held so dear in his heart, in his father's heart, that grounded them both. He was like his mother, seeing how even in death her presence was still there surrounding him. Had her spirit and determination, had her grace. No longer in grief he closed his eyes and imagined a world as he always hoped it would be, his mother standing there with a lyrical smile. No longer would Kurt sink in the grief, instead he embraced the remembrance and celebrated the life of a woman so dear and warm.

Artie

Artie Abrams remembered a time when he ran with the rest of the kids. Played in the playground. Jumped on beds and crawled on the floor. Remembers when he could feel the grass between his toes. It was another time, a time when he was just like everyone else. A time before a great pain was brought to his family.

He sometimes wishes he was born this way so he could never remember what it felt like to be normal. So he could never remember a time when he could feel his legs. While his grief was not of losing a loved one he did share a common bond. His grief was towards his legs. Eight years it had been since he woke up to a life changed forever. Eight years since he lost something no average child should lose.

Everyone coped with change and grief separately, his coping mechanism had always been music. In a way the loss of his legs shaped who he was today. He wondered where he would be today with his legs. If he would be running with the rest of the jocks or engaging in something else. While he might not be involved in something as great as he was today would he have been the same person? Probably still a geek but would he still have that same love for music.

Artie tried to not think about the 'what ifs' in life. Instead he pushed forward with or without adversity. He still remembers when that harsh reality was put upon his shoulders at the age of eight. Remembers the doctors' telling him about the loss of hope and the gain of adaptation. While he spent years denying the truth he couldn't anymore. He was who he was.

He was Artie Abrams who happened to be a paraplegic.

His grief was never the same as his friends for he still had a mother and a father but it took on a lingering acceptance. Those who lose loved ones while they must find acceptance eventually that acceptance could be put off until a later date. Until they found they could face the death. For him acceptance was something that could never be put off. To just live normally it took accepting his condition, his disability. Accepting that he would never be the person he was eight years ago.

He had grief of a lost childhood, grief of all the pain he caused his mother….grief for all the things he dreamed of. Maybe that was why he acted somewhat like a child today rather than growing up with the rest of them. He felt his childhood came to an abrupt halt the moment that drunk driver hit them. He grieved for all the things he wanted to do instead of learning how to function on his own once more. Relearning all the tasks taken for granted while his friends spent time enjoying their normal childhood.

But he didn't look at that today for he had what could be considered the best childhood offered to a boy in a wheelchair. He had two loving parents, siblings, and more love he could have dreamed of. While he spent years in denial and grief at the loss of his legs he looks back now and thinks he is the better for it. _Paraplegic _was no longer a word that defined him only described him.

_Using irony to enhance the performance._

Yes, the irony was that in all his grief of the loss of his legs he found a new courageous person in himself. He no longer grieved the loss of what he was instead he embraced it. Fighting for independence and shining in everything he did Artie moved passed that loss. 

They found themselves here united by a common grief sharing a differing loss. A mother, a father, a past life. All different but the same. So that was why on this particular day Finn, Kurt, and Artie gravitated towards each other, on this day of remembrance. They had found each other through a common link of music. Over time the three would become such friends that even future grief could never tear them apart. One life changed by another, one grief shared among three. They were all three different but the same. Each individual grief shaped who they were today. They were three friends, brothers even: Finn Hudson, Kurt Hummel, and Artie Abrams and that was the way it would be from then on.

_Disclaimer: Glee is property of Ryan Murphy and Fox, I don't own anything. All recognizable quotes are also their property. _


End file.
